Paper or plastic?

What else can I say which has not been said by others who are a statistic today? I am those one in five people today who have been downsized and displaced. It's been a long strange and sad journey for me since September, 2008 when I was informed that my last employer had to downsized. Over 1000 resumes sent, twenty three initial interviews, ten subsequent interviews, and two rescinded offers which led me to this point in my life. Discombobulated—I have no sense of direction anymore. My corporate GPS system is wacked because degrees and what you did for the past ten years mean nothing anymore. What I would give for it to be 2006 again.

Six years ago I had a corner office, my own administrative assistant, and three people reporting to me. I worked for the largest insurance carrier. Was I happy? No, of course not; I was stressed beyond belief. Working for AIG was a nightmare. I would often come home nearing midnight frazzled and crazed only to be up and dressed six hours later to go through white collar hell all over again. I would sleep at least twelve hours straight every Sunday. Saturdays were a wash for me. I always brought work home with me or I was in the office to get a head start on the new week. This lifestyle (yes you read right...lifestyle) stretched six long years for me. Then in 2006 I found the perfect job, or the company found me rather. On a lark I posted my resume on Monster.com and received a call that people only hear about others receiving. An import beer company spotted my resume on the web and wanted to speak with me.

This job was perfect. The company was near my home. Also no more suits for me--corporate casual attire! I could even wear jeans. I had the opportunity to work on contracts involving high profile events, however surprisingly; the company had a very relaxed environment. I had to give up the office, but that was ok. I still received a hefty raise. Not bad a trade in at all. I received Holiday bonuses, three weeks vacation, and came home before 8:00 p.m. almost every night. I was able to go out with my friends and go to "Happy Hour" because I was no longer exhausted from the job. It was just too perfect, and it was too perfect. I was downsized in November, 2008.

I had a feeling that something was going down during the winter of 2008. My co-workers and I had attended a seminar in which we had to come up with ways in how to streamline the department. I remember one of my co-workers commenting that we were preparing for our own corporate funeral. At first I shrugged off my co-worker's observation as paranoia. For one, the seminar was conducted out of state. Why would a company spend money on people attending seminars in paying for hotel accommodations, travel, and meals if the company had to do cut backs? However fast forward four months later, the consultant who lectured us at the seminar wanted to sit with each employee to ascertain how we managed our time. Uh-oh! My co-worker was not so paranoid after all! Since I also dealt with company contracts with special events and advertising campaigns, I noticed many events were being cancelled due to budget cuts. Co-workers who normally loved coming in to work became withdrawn and quiet. Even the senior counsel started to keep their office doors closed all the time. Managers avoided eye contact with staff. People who left the company or had retired were not replaced. After months of nail biting and speculation, the CEO finally made the announcement in September, 2008, to confirm what many already suspected, and even knew: that the company had to downsize. Only 50% of the staff would remain on board.

I was upset about losing my job because I really liked where I worked. After suffering from the loss of my father dying unexpectedly during the spring of 2008, I was not really mentally prepared to have to re-acclimate myself to a new company, new co-workers, and new responsibilities. However I didn't want grass to grow under my feet and started to send out resumes after the announcement was made that lay-offs were taking place.

At first, I was able to snag several interviews in late 2008. I even received an offer in February, 2009. However, the new job was not meant to be. I received an e-mail from HR apologizing that the company had to rescind its offer in that the company decided to hold off in hiring new staff. I had a feeling I was going to be in for a long haul. So many other companies and large law firms were downsizing its staffs during 2009. A few more interviews took place since the rescinded offer, however, I never heard back from any company or firm I had interviewed with despite sending thank-you letters and placing follow-up calls. Before I knew it, 2009 came to a close, with no new job secured. At least my severance took care of me for one year without the need to invade my 401K and savings. There was a new year to look forward to at least?

Winter, 2010, was more of the same. More resumes sent, but much fewer interviews. I was able to temp, however contrary to what the personnel agency advised me, both assignments did not go permanent. One assignment I was brought in to help the office with back log (the company just dissolved one of its subsidiaries and the office manager was straight with me about my assignment), and the second assignment, well let's say I was relieved that it did not go permanent (more on that one later). I finally received a call in September, 2010 for a position in which my role was the same as my last position. The company had a great reputation and the benefits were excellent. I couldn't give a toss about salary. At that point, any salary not below $35,000 was fine with me. When I received yet another e-mail advising me that the company decided to hold off in hiring new employees, I knew that if I continued with my job hunt, I would most likely become a 99'er.

Two days after receiving an e-mail from yet another company telling me that it was not hiring, I started submitting applications to everywhere that was hiring. This included companies like Walgreens, Pathmark, Shop-Rite, Stew Leonard's, and CVS. When I received an apologetic e-mail from Stew Leonard's thanking me for my interest in working there, but there were no positions available that I seemed fit for, it dawned on me that I had a very big strike going against me for these types of jobs. I held two degrees—I was way over qualified to ring up customers and pack groceries and items. Fortunately for me, one of those stores did not seem to mind that I possessed additional degrees since I graduated from high school. I advised the store manager that I could work up to 35 hours per week, and I was available any day, and any shift available. I was given my name tag, two shirts, and a start date and was told I would be trained for two-three weeks. I was hired.

Grateful? You bet! Happy? Well…yes and no. I never imagined myself at the age of 32 to be asking people if they wanted paper or plastic. No, I do not think I am better than anyone else, and no, I never looked down upon people who worked in retail for a living. I had worked in retail while I was in high school and during college. It's not really easy work and you have to have patience in dealing with odd personalities on occasion. You also have to be responsible in dealing with cash transactions, know your inventory, and always remain calm and polite. It's just that you would think after clocking in years in the legal profession and in corporate America, it would mean something to the people interviewing you.

I sent out over 1000 resumes since September, 2008, and interviewed with 21 companies and two law firms between December, 2008 and September, 2010. It just seems that experience and education are worthless if there are no jobs available. At this point, I have no idea what to expect and where my life will go from here. I am clueless despite years of careful planning. I was always asked during several interviews where I saw myself in five years from now in which I had a snappy answer: I either saw myself in management, or doing this, or doing that. I can't even answer that question now.