First day (sort of...)

Today was sort of my first day at the new job. For two and half hours I filled out paperwork, listened about the history of my new employer, and found out that NY State has some pretty funky gambling regulations.

I scoped out my new office which is pretty much a desk and an oversized filing cabinet stuck in a cramped corner, with a wee window facing the parking lot. A far cry from the corner office I had almost a decade ago and the beautiful office I worked in before being downsized. I could not help but have a sinking feeling when I saw my new office. It was small, dank, and dirty with a gross out view of a parking lot. The new job is also located in a busy, grimy, business zone located off the thruway; not exactly a pedestrian friendly neighborhood. I was also inadvertently told that one of my assignments is to help establish a records system for the department *and* (get this) I am replacing an attorney who “left” (I have no idea what to make of this).

But I shouldn't complain; I am now gainfully employed. Although I took a cut in pay, it is still way better than the $11 per hour I was making for a short time in retail. The job will be more stable than when I temped (my assignments ended with no warning), and getting a nice paycheck each week sure as hell beats filing for unemployment every damn week and hoping for my blackberry to ring.

Am I expecting more out of my first day? Not sure why I feel so forlorn right now. Not sure if I am being sub-consciously cautious in not to get my hopes up too high. Having a job I really liked and losing has been pretty rough for me. I’m not one of those X’ers or Boomers that have been downsized before. Every job I held, I left on my own accord and my move was lateral in which I increased my salary and I handled more responsibilities. I had no say in my leaving my last job. Nor did I have any say in how much I desired to earn (asking for what I made before the recession could have put me at risk in not being considered for this position).

Perhaps I am just tired. Past few nights I had some trouble sleeping. Working in retail during the holidays, I had to adjust to some crazy hours and it threw my internal clock off. But I feel...so blah. I am a real sucker when it comes to image and surroundings. I have always been a sucker for beautiful offices, fancy titles, and name plates on my office door and I am a little peeved about the salary cut (which in a way was my own doing to make me a considerable job candidate).

I know…I know. I am making much ado about absolutely nothing. Perhaps I need some much needed sleep to help readjust my attitude. I should just be grateful I have joined the ranks of the American Middle Class again.